we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
