batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
