I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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