I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
