You're my little dorito
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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