you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize