When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
