Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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