Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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