I want to have your abortion
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize