i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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