My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
