my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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