I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
