I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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