theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
