Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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