I haven't been this sober since birth.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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