we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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