if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
