Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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