I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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