We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
