So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
