You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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