since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
