we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
