he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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