I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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