no, he came in my armpit
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
