Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
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