pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
