All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
