Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
