could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Randomize
