the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize