I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Found your dick twin last night
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Randomize
