Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
