Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
