From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
