you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
