What a fucking waste of an outfit
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
My breasts were aching with rage.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
