I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
