just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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