in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
