We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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