so explain again why im purple
no
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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