evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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