It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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