Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
dude. I can hear the air.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
