Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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