Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
