We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
