Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
