Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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