Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
