You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
