I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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