Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
COCAINE IS GR8
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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