I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
