My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
