Sry I called you an 8
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
