woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
i need some magic done to my vagina
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
