I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
