he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize