wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
