I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
