just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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