What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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