sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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