batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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