On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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