I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I CAN MOONWALK!
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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