I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
